Mr. Fillmore is a "no frills" kind of man. Once class started, it was on. We had our first lecture test the Friday of the second week of school. There was no time for dorking around.
The lectures leading up the first exam was filled with rapid note taking (I'm talking hand cramps), anxiety brought on by terms and processes I had "learned" once before, and fear. Definitely fear. What was most disturbing to me, though, was that I was actually interested in the material. I found myself completely engaged and at times even giddy. Yep, I probably looked like a freak smiling through A&P class, but I couldn't help it. It was so fascinating!
Despite that I was engaged, interested, and definitely learning, I still had the dark cloud from my past hanging over my head. This girl just doesn't do well in science classes. After my first exam, I was a nervous wreck waiting for my grade to be posted. I don't know if you've been there before where you feel like you did well, but then you feel that because you feel you did well, you must have done terribly. You follow? I got 105%. I celebrated with ice cream.
But the dark cloud didn't go away all quarter. After every test I thought, the other tests were just a fluke, there's no way you can keep up this act. You don't do good in biology classes. I actually cried after my second test because I thought I did so poorly. I ended up getting 100%.
The purpose of this is not to talk about how awesome I did in A&P class, but the identity crisis that it seemed to cause. I was freakin' out! I had never, ever identified myself with science-y people, but I couldn't deny my passion for A&P. I don't know what changed in me. Was it the learning environment or maybe just because I'm older and more focused? Maybe I had the potential all along. I don't know.
What I do know is that I love A&P class. I love learning how the body fits together and how all of the different processes work in keeping us going. I have a great deal of respect to those who have donated their bodies to science so we can learn. I love that because of this class I learned so much about myself.
I no longer have anxiety over biology classes. I'm not afraid of the cadaver lab I have to do this summer. I have fully embraced this science-y part of me. And it feels pretty darn good.